Month: January 2011

If you’re one of the millions of unemployed women in this country, while it may be of little comfort, I’ve been in your shoes.

In fact, I’m walking in your shoes right now — again.

Twenty-seven years ago this month, I was laid off from a television station in Knoxville, Tennessee. 

As a reporter (Sundra Thompson back then) for WATE-Channel 6, I covered all kinds of news including a mudslide in Kentucky, a visit to town by President Reagan, and the 1982 World’s Fair.

For two and half years, I did live shots from news scenes; sat through endless school board meetings; and shared feature stories about interesting people in East Tennessee.

All that ended in January 1984, when management told a half dozen or so of us that our services were no longer needed. http://ktownradio.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html

Fast-forward to January 11, 2011.  That’s when the Richmond Times-Dispatch management told me that my position as Senior Editor was eliminated.

For four years, I was part of the newsroom’s management team helping lead coverage of the Virginia Tech shootings, President Obama’s inauguration, Bob McDonnell’s campaign for governor, and much more. I helped the newspaper develop new content including the popular weekly column, “In My Shoes” and MetroBiz2Go, an e-newsletter with imbedded videos. http://www2.timesdispatch.com/staff/9196/

Before noon on the 11th, I was told that my position along with others in the newsroom and other departments was being eliminated due to budget issues.

But what a difference 27 years makes.

In 1984, within hours of losing our jobs, a gang of us gathered at our favorite bar at a downtown hotel. We were there for quite awhile. I recall before the night was over, one of the anchors who got canned along with me, played the piano while we all sang along.  Wonder where Lloyd Immel is these days?

Then I took my severance pay and headed on a road trip to California with my two best girlfriends. (That trip eventually involved losing a tiny Chihuahua in Los Angles, plans to save money by sleeping on the beach, and lots of bickering.  But that’s a story for another time.)

This time around within hours of getting the news about my position, I was in contact with family, friends, and some of the hundreds of people I’ve met over the past four years in Richmond.

I admit I did go to the downtown Marriott’s T-Miller’s Sports Bar and Grille but that was mainly to have lunch and make some phone calls in a warm place. Besides I wanted to use the certificate my new former boss had given me as a Christmas gift.

Trust me: there was no heavy drinking or singing at the piano bar this time around.

When I was 26 and fresh out of a job, I coped and commiserated in person with those close to me.  At 52, I did so mainly by cell phone, e-mail and Facebook.

So here’s some advice:  If you’ve lost your job, don’t be ashamed. Reach out to those close to you, to those you’ve networked with over the years.  Ask for their support. I bet you’ll be surprised. I have been.

The words of encouragement have poured in and made me realize this isn’t an obstacle, it’s an opportunity.

“With your creativity and forward thinking, I am sure there is another path for you to walk – even run – “in your shoes.” – Carla

“Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.  You are a treasure!”  — Mary

“Sorry you’ve got to deal with this, Sundra, but I know you’ll land on your feet.” – Marsha

Thanks friends! I will survive with help from you.

So how are you coping with your unemployment? What tips do you have for survival?  I’d love to hear from others of you who are in my shoes.

I spent the day today at the Women Who Mean Business Summit. http://tinyurl.com/2v2zac8.

There were lots of smart women sharing lots of great advice including a few keys to success:

+ Believe in yourself, believe in others.

+ You CAN make it happen.

+ Like takes working at it.

+ Appreciate people.

+ Find your talent and use it.

+ Find a company that values you.

The keynote speaker was Suze Orman.  She had so much energy. One big take away from her: Prepare to live the new American dream, which includes living beneath your means.

For many families, a typical Southern meal on New Year’s Day includes black-eyed peas. It’s a tradition that is supposed to bring good luck and prosperity.

We served black-eyed peas and pirogi when we visited my husband’s Russian-Polish family in Connecticut over the New Year’s holiday. Pirogi are half-moon shaped dumplings stuffed with potato, cheese, cabbage or almost anything you can fit inside.

I love them, especially fried in butter and served with sour cream. And to think I’d never eaten pirogi until I met my husband.

Food has a way of bringing together people from different cultures. For the past 25 years or so, our two families have blended a variety of cultures. At one time or another, our families have included folks from Mexico, China, the Philippines, as well as those with Portuguese and American Indian heritages.

We are not that unique. At the rate America is changing, many of you are already part of, or will eventually become part of, a multicultural family.

A 2009 report from The Nielsen Co. about changing consumer demographics indicated ethnic families are expected to grow at a faster rate than the total U.S. population. According to Nielsen, more than half of families with children are expected to be multicultural by 2025. By 2050, that number is anticipated to be greater than 60 percent.

With so much mixing and matching of cultures, there’s bound to be familial friction. After all, good food can only go so far in helping us get along. Don’t worry. Lots of women who are part of blended families have advice.

Annette Khan is Caucasian and her husband, Malik, is Pakistani. They celebrated their 34th anniversary last month.

“I think more of the challenges are the combination of a multicultural and multifaith relationship,” she said. “I’m fortunate in this relationship since I accepted Islam after our marriage. We don’t have that challenge.”

Harriet Cannon, a Seattle family therapist specializing in multicultural relationships, said the most common resistance is the unconscious fear and loss of cultural identity from extended family.

“Many people may think they are open-minded,” Cannon said, “But the reality is, it is scary for older generations — sometimes even siblings — to accept a blended culture where some of the cultural family history will disappear.”

Her advice for blended families is to embrace being a pioneer in a multicultural world.

Anjum Ali is Pakistani, and her husband is Persian. She said couples need to work on building understanding in the early stages of a relationship.

“Serious misunderstandings can start a marriage off very badly and so there must be clarifications right from the beginning of what the expectations are and whether they will be shared or lived up to,” Ali said.

Khan said she strongly encourages pre-marriage counseling with someone who understands the challenges of multicultural and multifaith relationships.

“Be sure to discuss those difficult questions, especially the question of what faith the children should be if one parent doesn’t convert,” Khan said. “I’ve seen several marriages where neither husband or wife are strong in their faith/religion before the marriage, but when they have children it changes.”

The women also advise couples to blend cultures while appreciating the benefits of being different.

“Our children have benefitted in that they have become more knowledgeable about two different cultures simultaneously and of course two similar but different languages, Farsi and Urdu,” Ali said. “In their very early years, they were trilingual.”

Khan does not have children but her mother-in-law lives with the couple.

“I’ve been exposed to so much more of the world than I would have seen in my small Nebraska hometown,” she said. “Pakistani food — I love spicy foods now; exotic clothing — I enjoy wearing the shalwar-kameez and an occasional sari; languages — I’ve learned a few words of both Urdu and Arabic (and before meeting my husband, I doubt I’d ever heard of Urdu).”

I like how these women think. Although I don’t wear a babushka like my husband’s Russian grandmother likely wore, and I’ve only picked up one or two words of Polish and Russian, I have happily adopted some of my husband’s family traditions.

For instance, we celebrate Russian Christmas each year with a special meal and small gifts. And I’m always willing to enjoy a bit of iced vodka and caviar. As I said, good food helps ease the way to better cross-cultural understanding.

“Cheers!” or as they say in Russia, “Budem zdorovy !”

Walking in someone else’s shoes helps you understand them better. It helps build connections. And through those connections we can build so much together.  In Your Shoes Media shares stories, photos, videos, and more with the hope of helping us all build stronger connections.